-- Posted 3 November, 2010 | | Discuss This Article - Comments:

Bill Bonner here at The Daily Reckoning writes, “In England, the government of David Cameron has announced the biggest cutbacks since WWII. He’s going to lighten the UK government expense load by 81 billion pounds over the next 5 years. Nearly half a million government employees are to be given the heave-ho.”

In an odd sort of symmetry, it is sort of like that around here, too. Rumors fly like sparks that the company is losing money, and to save money, a lot of people are going to be fired, particularly me, along with a few other lazy incompetents who actually deserve to get fired, if you ask me, because they are so stupid that when I ask them a simple question like, “Are you buying gold, silver and oil in fearful response to the Federal Reserve creating so much money that the wholesale debasement of the purchasing power of the dollar, popularly perceived as inflation in prices, is going to cause the gigantic inflation in consumer prices that was actually predicted earlier in the same sentence, spooky and Nostradamus-like, thus proving everything I said?”

Well, as you probably guessed, none of them has ever, ever purchased any gold or silver, despite my constantly advising them to do, and insulting their intelligence when they don’t, which should make the choice clear as a bell, even for them.

So, as I told my boss recently, I agree: Those people must be fired immediately, as the company needs people, like me, with the ability to see “the big picture,” even when we gifted visionaries would prefer seeing pictures of naked people behaving shamelessly, but I am willing to make that sacrifice if it meant keeping my job for a little while longer, whereupon I will peacefully resign my job.

You could hear the suspicion in her voice as she asks, “How much longer?” I replied, “It won’t be long until the foul Federal Reserve has committed the monetary sin of creating another few trillions of dollars, which means prices will rise, which means gold and silver will rise so high in terms of dollars that I will, one wonderful, wonderful day, come in to work late, barge into your office without knocking, probably whistling a happy tune and disrupting the whole place, and tell you to take your stupid job and shove it!”

Tonelessly, again she asked with a bored undertone to her voice, “How long will that take?”

Feeling myself being squeezed into a making a precise prediction, I evasively said, “Well, James Turk of GoldMoney.com says that silver could double in price sometime this month! Within 28 days! Days!”

She looks at me with a cold stare, and in a whispered monotone, asks, “So, are you saying that you will be gone in 18 days?”

Suddenly, my instinct for survival kicks in, and I lash out like a cornered rat. I yell, “Not soon enough to suit either one of us, I’m sure! But soon!”

Then, with a sudden flash of brilliance born of desperation and a complete lack of imagination, I abruptly shouted, “And now, Zorro away!”

With that surprising Zorro-thing coming out of left field, I took advantage of her slack-jawed surprise by abruptly leaping to my feet and then reaching over her desk to scrawl a big “Z” across her blotter with my pen.

Then, throwing open the door with a mighty theatrical flourish, I bounded, bounded, bounded out of her office, shouting, “Zorro says buy silver, silver, silver, you morons!”

My seemingly strange, desperation-driven theatrics in response to the threat of financial annihilation due to cutbacks and my being given the “heave-ho” must seem extreme to the British, who are handling things with stoicism and their fabled “stiff upper lip,” as Bill Bonner makes clear with a really funny metaphor. He says, “So far, the British public is taking the news like a donkey informed about original sin.” Hahaha! Very clever! And illustrative!

It was sort of like my boss getting the news about Zorro recommending silver!

However resolutely staunch the British remain in the face of misery, she recovered pretty quickly, but I was out of the office all afternoon and missed her calls as I was taking a little “personal time” to buy more gold, silver and oil because, while it is difficult to pin down exactly when cataclysmic inflation and economic destruction will happen because the foul Federal Reserve is creating too much new money, the good idea to buy gold, silver and oil to capitalize on such absurd monetary insanity is so easy that I say, as I always do, “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!”