I thought I had heard all the good arguments to buy silver, mostly from me asking myself two important questions.

First, “Why am I not buying silver when it is so obviously going to go much, much higher in price because of the absurd Federal Reserve insanely creating so much money, which causes inflation, which always makes the prices of precious metals soar?”

A lot of the “soaring prices,” a phrase that rings with a certain pleasant musical quality to investors everywhere, will come as other, loss-ridden investors frantically selling out of stocks, bonds, and real estate to stem their mounting losses plow headlong into gold and silver which will, by that time, be soaring in price, thus attracting the nervous investor, and the greedy investor, and the performance-driven investor, all jamming their trillions and trillions of dollars into a silver market that produces a lousy 900 billion ounces of silver per year, and uses most of it up just to keep industrial things going!

My second question is always, “Is everyone else a moron?” I ask that because, right now, there are so few buyers of silver when silver’s price is a lousy $30 an ounce, which is Too, Too Low (TTL) by a Long, Long Shot (LLS), which is caused by corrupt, manipulative dealings in and around the commodities futures market.

To test the hypothesis “Is everyone else a moron?” whenever I am out and about, running errands or something, I always end up in a line of some kind. So, to pass the time, I ask the nearest people in line with me, “Hey! Are you buying silver to capitalize on the horrific inflation that is being caused by the satanic Federal Reserve creating so much money, or are you a moron?”

Like the other day when, at the bank, I was in a line. So I asked my Mogambo Silver Poll (MSP) question of the others similarly idled. And being a modern, multi-tasking pollster kind of guy, I also ask follow-up questions about other topics, too, like, “If you are, indeed, a moron, which would explain why you are not buying silver, what are the chances that your children are morons, too? Do you have a photo of them so I can see if your stupidity shows up in the faces of your children, sort of a ‘Portrait of Dorian Gray’ kind of thing?”

I thought at least ONE of them would be delighted with my reference to the famous book by Oscar Wilde, showing, as it does, a certain erudition and culture that allows me to look down with disdain on those of lesser station, especially when proof of their incompetence is made so miserably manifest by their not buying silver.

And in speaking of “buying silver as an indicator of intelligence,” the famous Eric Sprott’s latest essay is titled “Asian demand for physical gold and silver is akin to a tsunami.”

He says, “In 2005, the Chinese exported just over 100 million oz. of silver. In 2010, they imported just over 120 million oz.”

I had to pause as I mentally tried to compute the difference between exporting 100 million ounces (a negative number) and importing 120 million ounces (a positive number).

Perhaps growing impatient as I struggled with the problem, he graciously supplies the answer, which is that it’s “a swing of 200 million+ oz. in a market that supplied a total of 889 million oz. in 2009 – a truly tectonic shift in demand!”

If it were I writing that, I would have gone on to say something like, “So start buying gold and silver with both hands, you lowlife morons!”

Mr. Sprott, on the other hand, is much more refined and classy to say such terrible things about people who are, as far as I am concerned, stupid. And he is clever, too, as he says, “the USDA forecast that global production of corn, soybeans and wheat would total 1.717 billion metric tons, which means that almost twice as many tons of these grains are produced as there are silver ounces produced.”

Again, I am befuddled, as my brain is swirling with lying government agencies, and global production of some meaningless metric of “1.717 billion metric tons,” and pretty soon I am not sure what we were talking about and my head hurts.

Again, I am rescued by the generous Mr. Sprott, who explains that this is “two metric tons of corn, soybeans and wheat are produced for each ounce of silver produced. Tons!”

I am aware of the significance of his use of “Tons!” and I know that I should be impressed, but I have seen Superman pick up the three pyramids of Egypt and juggle them in the air, and so a billion tons of grains seems, you know, kind of, ummm, what?

“Perhaps,” I thought to myself, perplexed, “if I converted it to bushels!”

Let’s see: To convert tons of grain to bushels of grain, I seem to remember that the formula is to divide tons by 3.1416, subtract half of Line 37 on Form 3004 from Line 26 on Form 2114, and multiply by any accelerated depletion allowances or deductions not reported elsewhere.

Suddenly, my head snapped back, and I asked myself, “Huh? Does this sound right to YOU?”

Of course, this is not about the Chinese buying a lot of silver, or that only someone truly mental defective would consider it even possible to convert tons into bushels using a formula involving pi and taxes, a tragic brain handicap which could come in handy, one of these days, if need to plead “not guilty by reason of insanity” for some reason or another.

Instead, I think it is about the fact that the Entire Freaking Global Supply (EFGS) of silver is less than a billion ounces per year, which would mean, at today’s paltry $30 per ounce, that a measly $30 billion could buy all the silver that the world produces in One Freaking Year (OFY)!

And thus a piddly $600 billion could buy all the silver that the world could produce for the next 20 years!!

The use of two exclamation points means, to Junior Mogambo Rangers (JMRs) and other paranoid people who notice such things, that there is something very significant afoot!

And there is!

To wit: Not only is silver a Screaming Mogambo Bargain (SMB), but also that $600 billion is the exact amount of money that the foul Federal Reserve has promised to, by virtue of their idiotic Quantitative Easing 2, create in the next six months!

The next Six Freaking Months (SFM)! The Federal Reserve can buy all the silver the world can produce in the next 20 years with just the money the Fed will create in the next Six Freaking Months (SFM)!

And it is significant, too, to say that the federal government’s current $1.3 trillion budget-deficit – for this year! – is enough freaking money to buy all the freaking silver produced in the Whole Freaking World (WFW) for the next Forty Freaking Years (FFY)!!

Look at me! I am frothing at the mouth at this!

While I take a moment to wipe my chin with my sleeve and breathe in ragged gasps, let’s listen to Jim Willie CB, of GoldenJackass.com, who is, like me, fearlessly bullish on silver, and who says, “My long held belief has been that on the Supply side argument, silver beats gold, and on the Demand side argument, silver beats gold.”

At first, you wonder, “Huh? Am I reading that right?” as if maybe there is a typo, or perhaps it is an insightful Zen moment.

But all hopes for satori evaporate into Mindless Mogambo Greed (MMG) when he goes on, “My forecast has been and will continue to be that the gains in Silver price will be around triple to the gains in the Gold price, due to tremendous shortages and colossal demand.”

I am happy that he put a number on this, because all I can do, as far as forecasting and number-crunching is concerned, is nothing, which I do because I must, which is because I am, I am sorry to say, lazy and stupid.

Fortunately, the Infallible Mogambo Portfolio Theory (IMPT) was developed specifically for us lazy, stupid people, a woefully-ignored population segment so long overlooked by Wall Street sharpies.

The introduction of Infallible Mogambo Portfolio Theory (IMPT) corrects that outrageous injustice, and simply says to “Mindlessly buy gold, silver and oil stocks when the Federal Reserve is creating excess money.” That’s it!

And that salubrious, successful, surprising simplicity is why us lazy, stupid people are so grateful that it works, and works so well, without any thinking at all, and with truly minimal effort!

And, best of all, with 100% of the last 4,500 years as proof of its efficacy, we Happy, Happy Dullards (HHDs) buy gold, silver and oil stocks, and then we say, “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!”